So What Do I Do Now That I am Divorced?

by Attorney Jose A. Rodriguez

There are different answers to this question, because it all depends if you and your former spouse have children in common. In the event that you do not, then you pretty much move on in your life and start rebuilding your life as a single person.

As much as some people may think, “I am finally divorced; my former spouse is out of my life!” Think again! If you do have children together, both parents have to sharpen their communication skills, and not necessarily communicating through the children, but with your former spouse.

We can begin with the parent that has been designated the primary residential parent; this is the parent with who the child or children primarily reside with. The court views this parent as having the special privilege of having the child with him/her on a primary basis, therefore that parent has a greater role of responsibility to keep the non-residential parent informed as to the happenings in the minor child’s life. What does it mean to have a “greater role of responsibility?” This means that the primary residential parent carries the burden of keeping the non-residential parent informed of information involving the child’s education, medical issues and activities.

For example, when the minor child receives a progress report or report card from school, it is the primary residential parent’s responsibility to make sure that the non-residential parent receives a copy of these documents. This is very important because (1) the other parent has a right to be informed as to the child’s progress in their education, (2) the other parent is also able to praise the children for their good work in school and, (3) if the children are doing poorly in school, the non-residential parent also has the opportunity to help the children improve their grades when the children are visiting with them.

Both parents must notify the other parent promptly of any serious illness or accident affecting the children. Keep in mind that if it is an emergency situation, you do not have to get the other parent’s permission to seek medical treatment for the child, take the child to the emergency room and immediately contact the other parent and inform them of the situation.

Whenever the children are participating in any extra-curricular activities, both parents are allowed to be present. For example, if any of the children are involved in sports, just because it is not the non-residential parent’s scheduled weekend with the children, it does not mean that the non-residential parent is not allowed to go to the park and enjoy the ball game too. What the court encourages is for both parents to be in attendance, not necessarily seated together, but at least showing a united front in providing support for the child. Despite the parents divorcing one another, neither parent is ending the relationship with the children they have in common.

Not everyone is able to communicate about their children, I am realistic because in my profession you deal with parents that can communicate and think of the children first, but then again you have parents that just cannot get along because things maybe too emotional or just cannot carry a civilized conversation with one another. There are other options to use, try using email to communicate with one another, this helps because you really do not have to speak to one another, but yet keep each other informed, and in addition to that, email can keep everyone civilized because the communication is documented. Another option is keep a notebook, and write in it as to what the child is doing in school, what their current health condition is, and other happenings in the child’s life. This notebook can be exchanged when exchanging the child for visitation, keep it in their backpack or overnight bag. Just remember communication is key, that way both parents are always on the same page when it comes to the child.